The WWII generation raised a lot of children for college. They knew how hard it was working for a living, doing manual labor or factory work.
   The shift towards a low wage service economy tends to make people dispirited. Many just get by and partying on weekends. Some no longer see the value of higher education, particularly as a four year degree alone is not what it was.
    But tomorrow's world is one of high technology and engineering. The retail service sector does not offer wages sufficient to raise a family. So many young people will fall into bankruptcy and not be able to raise their children in a stable condition.
    Whereas the challenge of the depression era generation was to save and sacrifice for their children, the challenge today is more of a mental one, overcoming drug addiction (including those taken for psychological conditions) and alcoholism,  as well as unstable relationships.
    Parents typically work at two or more low wage service sector jobs, as well as various sort of home employment.
    In the past, the nuclear family was a given. It is no longer this way. Now we are talking about single moms or combined families that stay together for a while and then break up again to form new combinations.
    Given this instability, there is a much greater burden on the school system and on teachers at all levels to try to compensate. Unfortunately, the effort  is usually not sufficient.
    The success of your child in school even more depends on how much the parent pushes. There are so many pushy parents, that if you do nothing, your child is likely to be at the back of the stage.
    And if you have a dysfunctional family, your child can get into real trouble.

    What can you do? First do not assume that the schools will do all the work for you, or that you even know what is going on with your child.
    My best advice is to look at the immigrant parents. The Chinese family is a good example. They may work long hours, but they still spend a lot of time educating their children at home. And if they can't speak English, they teach their children to read and write Chinese and to do math (everyone uses the same number system). Any attention at home results in more success in  school.
    The point is to start early and teach your children as much as you can, whatever you know. If your child can like reading books by the second or third grade, and reads on his or her own, then he or she will have a tremendous advantage in school.
    Even the most working class family can still visit a book store or library on the weekends, and spend several hours there. It is not just go in and get a book. You have to spend time there so that the atmosphere sets in.
    The consumption or entertainment based society we live in today diminishes reading and writing. There is so little time for it today.
   
    What if your kids are already messed up and out of control? When Chinese parents have this problem, they send their kids back to Hong Kong, Taiwan, or China for the summer. It is their alternative to boot camp. Having relatives in a different cultural environment can be a big help.
    Usually peer influence in the major factor in making us mess up. This is true for adults as well as children. Certainly, going to prison society is a step in the wrong direction. More committed criminals come out of jail, people who have a criminal personality, always taking the crooked way even when it is simpler to do the right thing.
    So number one: Keep your children out of jail. Do not  let them associate with know criminals or gang members. If this is not possible in your neighborhood, then pack up and find another neighborhood or another school.

    In New York City, I knew a Chinese family once that did not let their children out of the apartment unless they are with them. This is the extreme, but I could not blame them. In NYC as well as in many third world countries and Miami, people have bars on their doors too. 
    I asked my friend in the Department of Corrections once: what causes one city to have more crime than another? He said simply, the higher the population, the higher the crime rate.
    This may seem simplistic, but the more people there are, the more relations are anonymous, and people will do bad things and act like jerks if they think they can get away with it. This helps explain road rage. People feel anonymous and with easy escape in their cars.

    One of the most important thing to consider as a parent is the neighborhood where you are going to buy your house. Find out about the crime rate, about the presence of gangs, and the local schools. The beaches are usually not a good place to raise a family event though they are desirable for the parents.

    After a certain age, your child is more likely to be influenced by peers than by you. This is why it is important to raise your children with leadership qualities, with a high degree of self-esteem. Never put your child down or tell your children they are stupid.
    If your child is the leader, then he or she is less likely to be led astray by someone else.
    Many lower education families make the mistake of instilling a sense of low expectations in their children. American society is the most upwardly as well as downwardly mobile society in the world. This is something we should be proud of as Americans, but only if we are helping our children up, not down. This takes personal sacrifice.

    Set a good example. Give up cursing at home. And if you think it is a good idea for your children to smoke and drink, think again. Smoking and drinking are higher correlated--they go together hand in hand.
    When your children smoke, they are more likely to hang around others worse than themselves instead of better. You always want to associate with people who are better not worse than yourself. You want your friends to lift you up, not drag you down.
    Today, there is no excuse for believing in the bar hangout lifestyle. It is going to (a) keep you in the "ghetto of your mind", (b) cause more family instability and conflict, and (c) cause you and your loved ones serious harm, if not death or disability.
    This  is a cultural artifact that perpetuates social dysfunction and just getting by and is totally bad for your children, and your children's children in the future.  
    Personal reform is part of the sacrifice of being a good parent.
  
    Love your child in a responsible way. Your child is not a toy. He or she does not exist for your own emotional satisfaction. Some teens have children so that they can have something that is their own, someone who needs them and that they can love. This is a totally immature attitude.
    You do not have a child to fulfill your own emotional needs, or to work for you as a slave.
    It is a big responsibility all the way down the line. Your job is to educate that child, to encourage your child to read and to think independently so that he or she can grow up to be an independent and strong person in the world.
    When I took my first son home from his first visit to the pediatrician,  he said, "Enjoy your baby!" I could not help thinking: "What a yuppie thing to say." A baby is not a comfort object. I knew it was not really going to be fun, more like constant anxiety and a lot of work. Hey, and the work never ends. So it requires a lot of very mature love to keep it up.

    I have seen some parents scream at their children with such a fury, or beat them in public. This is obviously not a good thing. You would like your child to perhaps grow up to be a gentleman or a lady. Is screaming at the child in public giving a good example as to how a gentleman or a lady behaves?    
    Your child is more likely to grow up with an attitude if you are grouchy.

    The first bad news about raising children is that it is kind of like bringing up little wild monkeys. You would not expect them to listen to you just because you issue a command. It makes more sense to use reward training early on.
    You don't see animal trainers yelling at their chimps. They know better: they get better results with love and affection. Often parents make the mistake of thinking that their small child should be as rational as they are and that punishment can change behavior--it cannot. Yelling is only acting out your own frustration and is counterproductive.

    Show love to your child in an open way. Don't be afraid to tell your children that you love them. Don't be afraid to read them stories. Fear is what keeps you distant. If your child just sees you as nourishment, a source of money, and maybe a disciplinarian, then you are not going to be close enough to help your child and advance them to college.

    Why do kids get good grades? For their parents. It is out of a desire to impress their parents, and so to be loved. If your children could care less about you, then they are not going to get good grades. It is that simple.
    We can talk about self esteem all day long, but the bottom line is that children who are loved want to do things that make their parents happy, like getting good grades.
    If it is all reduced to doing something for yourself, to tell the child that he or she is doing it for his or her own self, that jut does not work. "OK, if is just for me, I don't care." Trump that. No way.
    To be successful, it is very important to develop a sense of social responsibility, of love for others, of doing things for others, of loving your parents and grandparents.
   
    Children are resilient. It is amazing to me how some of them survive at all given all that their parents' put them through. I don't think I need to give you specific example of dysfunction.
    And the schools are little better. Do the schools really give children the individual attention and care they need? No. They are institutionalized from day one, put into classes and evaluated for supposed intelligence factors.
    Students are treated differentially, good and bad, favored and disfavored. If there are troublemakers, they are given drugs to control them, often even when it is not really necessary from a solid mental health  point of view.
 
    Get a second qualified opinion before you let the school drug you child. There are many examples of "hyper" children using their energy creatively, once it is channeled in the right direction, such as reading, playing chess, computer programming, or doing math.
    The point is that there are many different kinds of people and some, if not most, require extra attention. But the classroom environment is not designed for individual differences. It is designed for conformity to rigid behavioral standards. This alone can drive some children crazy.
    Look at educational alternatives before deciding to give your child drugs. There are always side effects.

    A lot of the problems of raising difficult children can be avoided by good prenatal care and good sense in bring up baby. If you smoke around your baby, there is a greater chance he or she will develop asthma. Get rid of old paint chips and roaches. Having dogs and cats or cutting the lawn or handling toxic chemicals can cause or acerbate asthma.

    But what about preparing for college?
    Ah. This is a life long process. It starts with your child reading on his or her own. It is not just being able to read, but wanting to read and having the time and the quietude to do so.
    Reading comes first. Then math. Math is one of the problem areas in American education. We still haven't figured out how to teach it very well. One of the best things  you can do here is to get your child into a math club. The peer environment of the math club will do the rest. Of course, you have to be prepared to drive your child to the testing events.

    Avoid dis-education. Television sucks your brain out through your nose and evaporates it right before your eyes. Don't subscribe to movie channels, They are mostly porn and violence and warped crap.
    Computers are nice, but if your child becomes a gamer, it is a big time waster and can even lead to failure in college, if your child hangs out with other gamers instead of studying.
    Discourage the purchase of video game technology as much as possible. I am amazed at how proud some kids are of calling themselves "gamers." To me being a gamer is like being an end user rather than a programmer.
    Programming expands your mind and develops your skills. If you only play the games and never make any, then you exist at the pleasure and whims of the programmers..

    Many parents enroll their children in rigorous academic programs as preparation for college. This is good in the sense that regular high school is no preparation at all. The best four years of life are easily  wasted.
    So get your children into the St. Pete High IB program by all means. If they make it through that, you have nothing to worry about. The IB program is essentially a college prep program. It is a lot like college. Those who go through it, do much better in college and go to better colleges.
   
    One of the biggest problems is self-limiting expectations. Your child will say, I am not smart enough or I won't have time to do my sports. You and your child have to decide whether you want a jock or a scholar.
    Being a jock is not really a good excuse for failing to be a scholar. This is a value judgment. However, you can be in IB and still be on the tennis team. Football may knock your brains out. I think it is much better to play tennis-it is something you can do your whole life.

    And don't be cheap about paying for those SAT prep classes. They will lift an SAT score by at least 100 points, and possibly 150 points or more if you are not a good test taker to start with. If you are serious, the $400 prep class is really necessary to get the scholarship money, which can be thousands. It is a good investment.

    In the final analysis, preparing your child for college is getting prepared yourself. You have to so some research yourself. You have to buy a book on parenting or two. You should  to read the dummies book: The Dummies Guide to Avoiding  a Dysfunctional Family. Actually, I am not sure if that Dummies book is out yet. If not you can find something else maybe even better.
    What is a dysfunctional family? It is one where there is little real communication, where people do their own things with little regard to each other. The parents may spend more time and energy dating or going to bars and virtually no time teaching their children. Often there is contempt or even hatred, loathing, and fear. The dysfunctional family breeds low self-esteem and failure.

    As opposed to this, we should strive for the empathetic or loving family. The starting point for this is emotional maturity on the part of the parents. It is up to the parent to give love, even when frustrated. Very young children take rather than give. This is normal. Children are not adults.
    The starting place is some books on good parenting, like "How to Be a Gifted Parent." That is a real book.  Don't just follow what your parents did, as most people do. It can be good, but I bet they made a few mistakes.

    Start early. Don't give up.     

Offered at the following:

St. Petersburg High School

Palm Harbor University High

 Clearwater Chinese Language School

Tomlinson Adult Learning Center

Florida Alcohol and Drug Abuse Association

Recovery Home Loan Program

Teen Pregnancy Prevention

 www.etr.org/recapp/index.htm
Resource Center for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention offers resources and ideas for teachers and health educators.

Free, high quality, voluntary pre-kindergarten program for 4 year olds (beginning fall 2005).

The Gates Cambridge Scholarship

Dunedin Fine Arts Center

Dunedin  

Florida International Museum

 - Saint Petersburg - provides educational, cultural, and historical exhibitions.

Gulf Coast Museum of Art

 

(727) 518-6833
12211 Walsingham Rd
Largo, FL 33778
Directions

 www.etr.org/recapp/index.htm
Resource Center for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention offers resources and ideas for teachers and health educators.